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Fiction Short Story

by Gary R. Hoffman

A Bug Stompin' Toad

“Man, you must be one huge toad. Your eyes are level with mine.”

“Actually, I’m normal size. You are one huge drunk. You took a header in the sidewalk a few minutes ago. Might want to get that nose looked at.”

The man raised his head slightly. “Boy, I must be drunk. I’m not only talking to a toad, but he’s talking back!”

“I think the fall probably sobered you up a bit. You’re not hallucinating. I am talking.”

“Ok, but how about that little cardboard sign in front of you, 'Will Work for Bugs.'”

“If I can talk, it would make sense that I can write,” the toad said.

“But you’re a toad that can’t catch bugs? That’s funny!”

“I don’t find it so! But, that’s another story.”

The man pushed up on his hands and then to his knees. He finally sat down cross-legged in front of the toad. “So, tell me the story.”

“You really want to hear it or you just intrigued by a talking toad?”

“I guess a little of each.”

“Well, I guess that’s an honest answer. This whole mess started a couple of months ago. I was down by the swamp just minding my own business and zapping in a few bugs. This large dragon fly comes flying by. I whip out the old tongue and drag him in. Now, he’s big enough I can’t get him all in my mouth at one time, so I start working him around so I can swallow him.”

“Let me understand this now. You’ve got him in your mouth, but can’t swallow him.”

“Right, so as I’m working on him, I hear this small voice. It’s coming from the dragon fly. He tells me he’s really a sorcerer who….”

“Wait a minute. He’s a saucer?”

“No, a sorcerer!  A magician! I think you’ve still got booze working on you. Anyway, he says he’s a sorcerer who changed himself into a dragon fly because he just felt like flying around for awhile. He says if I don’t eat him, he will give me magical powers. Well, that sounded pretty good, so I let him go.”

“But you can’t catch bugs.”

“Well, when he gave me the powers, he took away the sticky stuff on my tongue. He said he often changed himself into a bug to fly around when he was bored, and he didn’t want to take a chance on me catching him again. So now, if I see a bug crawling someplace, I run up and try to stomp on him.”

The man laughed and put his hand over his mouth. “So you’re a bug stomping toad?”

The toad squinted at him and frowned. “You think that’s so funny? Remember I can turn you into anything I want to, except a bug. Dumb dragon fly left that out, too.”

He laughed again. “I’m sorry; I just think this is funny.”

The toad closed his eyes and nodded his head. The man watched in awe as the toad started to grow. He not only grew, but sprouted hair all over his body. By the time he was finished, he stood on his hind legs eight feet tall. He growled and had the appearance of a Kodiak bear. His large paw swiped through the air, knocking the man down. The bear devoured the drunk. When he finished, he dropped down on all fours and turned back into a toad.

Moral to this story—If you ever see a toad stomping on a bug, leave him alone. The results might be un-bear-able!


About the Author
Gary R. Hoffman taught English and Speech/Drama for 22 years in Missouri and California. He quit teaching over 20 years ago to go into business for himself. He now lives in a motor home and says, “Home is where you park it!” He now travels the North American Continent, with Sandy and their cat, Callie, and attempts to stay in moderate climates. He has many short stories published in anthologies, ezines, and magazines. He has also won many awards for his short stories.