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Writing Effective Dialog

“What do you mean?”

This bit of dialog provides a perfect example for this month’s column. When we speak, those listening to us hear our tone and take in other information that helps them understand what we say. The above dialog as it stands alone doesn’t give us much to go on. As writers we strive to show. When writing dialog we must train ourselves not to slip back into a “telling” mindset. It’s easy to cross the line and tack on descriptive modifiers that explain the meaning or tone.

When we speak, our tone conveys emotion. As writers, our job is to let our readers feel the emotion without telling language. The trick is to create dialog that doesn’t rely on explanatory speaker attributions in speech tags. In an effort to avoid over using the word “said,” writers fall prey to using modifiers that tell the reader what to think. Using speaker attributions to explain dialog is considered amateurish. How do we avoid describing emotion the dialog should carry? In essence, how do we let the reader feel it?

Avoid Descriptive Modifiers

Create dialog that doesn’t rely on descriptive modifiers. Using these speaker attributions for the most part is a no-no and in the eyes of most editors marks the writer as inexperienced. Avoid describing emotion the dialog should carry. Instead, let the reader feel it.

Example:

Describing emotion: “What do you mean?” she hissed.

Verbs other than “said” tend to draw attention away from the dialog. Don’t break up the flow of your story by telling the reader what to think. Show them what’s going on. Pull them into the natural flow of the scene. Don’t leave them staring at the word “hissed.” Dialog should speak for itself. Using descriptive modifiers actually incorporates a form of redundancy. If you’ve already shown the emotion, the modifier offers redundant information and tells the reader what they already know. Redundancy breaks the liquidity of the passage and distracts the reader.

While avoiding descriptive modifiers, be cautious not to package explanations in your dialog. Readers spot the unnatural bits of conversation. They work as flags and distract readers to wander the path of possible plot twists wondering why the author added the information.

Here are a few tools to help you write in a way that allows your reader to see and feel the intended tone without telling them what to think.

Body Language

One way to avoid descriptive modifiers is to show action associated with the dialog.

Example:

Barbara twisted the wet tissue. “What do you mean?” A solitary tear trickled down her flushed cheek.

Or

Barbara clenched her jaw. “What do you mean?”

Actions infuse emotion into the dialog. No speech tag is necessary as long as you make it clear who is speaking. Actions convey the necessary information. Known as a beat, these actions limit redundant tags.

Interior Monologue

Most people complain that movies generally don’t measure up to books of the same title. Even if script writers didn’t change the story, it wouldn’t be as good. Why? Because books let us into character’s heads and engage us on a more personal level. We know the character’s thoughts.

This interior monologue is another useful tool to convey emotion. Thoughts allow the reader to climb into the POV character's skin. Personal thoughts open the window to not only see the scene through the character’s eyes but connect readers on an emotional level with a clear understanding of the character’s perception of available details.

Interior monologue is usually written in first person in italics. Never use quotes with interior monologue. By today’s standards, quotation marks to indicate thoughts is incorrect grammar. Thoughts are internal and not spoken.

Example: Barbara clenched her jaw. “What do you mean?” If he doesn’t come clean with me, I’m leaving him for good.

The beat shows Barbara is the speaker. Her clenched jaw shows she’s distraught. Her interior monologue let’s us feel that she’s at the end of her rope emotionally. As with any tool, don’t overuse interior monologue. Editors view it as a sign of weak writing, and large amounts of italics is not easy to read. You don’t want readers skimming over important information because the font is difficult.

Three or More Characters

Incorporating three or more characters in a scene necessitates the use of speech tags. However, if we are not using descriptive modifiers, the “he said/she said” will become monotonous. In William Noble’s book, “Shut Up!,” He Explained, he offers these helpful tips:

"He/she said" is the basic modifier, and it should be used three quarters of the time any modifier is used.

A page of dialog should not go by without a couple of "he/she saids."

When in doubt, leave the "said" out—add nothing.

In dialog between two people, use "he/she said" with only one of the characters—nothing with the other.

• Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks.
  
  The use of punctuation within quotation marks tends to be, but does not need to be, confusing. Differences between British and American practice may be the source of most errors among American writers. In America, periods and commas go inside quotation marks. Colons and semi-colons go outside the closing quotation marks.
  
  Correct: “What do you mean?” Barbara asked.
  Incorrect: “What do you mean”? Barbara asked.



• If a quotation is interrupted and continues in the same sentence, don’t capitalize the second part of the quote.
  
  Correct: “Mommy,” their three-year-old pushed through the bedroom door crying, “what’s wrong?”
  Incorrect: “Mommy,” their three-year-old pushed through the bedroom door crying, “What’s wrong?”



• Only one punctuation mark at the end of the quote.
  
  Incorrect: “What do you mean?”, Barbara asked.
  Incorrect: “What do you mean!!”



• Dashes vs. Ellipsis
  
  Many writers think any incomplete sentence must have either a dash or an ellipsis. Punctuation should be used to make pacing clear, not to cloud it. While I’m at it, let me point out that a hyphen is not a dash. Two hyphens side-by-side equal a dash.
  
  Dashes show an interruption; it cuts off information flow. The reader may think they know what else would have been said, but they won’t know for sure unless it is revealed later in the story.
  
  Example:
  
  “Answer me!”
  
  “I don’t have an excuse--”
  
  “Mommy,” their three-year-old pushed through the bedroom door crying, “what’s wrong?”
  
  An ellipsis in fiction indicates a trailing off or a gap in dialog such as one side of a phone conversation. This gap lets the reader know more information exists. It leaves them hungry to know more. (When writing non-fiction, placing an ellipsis in the middle of a quotation indicates the omission of material.)
  
  An ellipsis is composed of three periods with spaces or brackets before and after the ellipsis. If the ellipsis is used to indicate the omission of material at the end of a sentence, use four points. Three of these compose the ellipsis and the fourth is the period. The ellipsis should follow a blank space. Do not place a space before the period if the ellipsis ends the sentence. Never allow a point in an ellipsis to drift to the next line of text.
  
  Example:
  
  “Answer me!”
  
  “I don’t have an excuse. I–I .... ” He combed his fingers through his wavy locks and grabbed a fist full of hair.
  
  “Mommy,” their three-year-old pushed through the bedroom door crying, “what’s wrong?”

• Single Quotes: Use single quotation marks to indicate a quote inside of a quote.



• Place a character’s name or pronoun first when writing a speech tag.
  
  Correct: “It’s okay, honey,” Barbara said. “Mommy and Daddy are just talking.”
  Incorrect: “It’s okay, honey,” said Barbara. “Mommy and Daddy are just talking.”



• Don’t open a paragraph with a speech tag.
  
  Correct: “It’s okay, honey,” Barbara said.
  Incorrect: Barbara said, “It’s okay, honey.”



• Decide how you are going to refer to a character and stick to it for the length of the scene. You don’t want to refer to Barbara as Mrs. Lawson and Barbara within the same scene. Switching back and forth confuses the reader.