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Lori Morgan

Needtochangeitis

Have you ever encountered that tugging, nagging feeling of needing to do something different with your life? The feeling that surely there is something more, something meaningful and wonderful waiting to be discovered and you are on the shore watching the boat drift out of sight. What is that feeling that leaves you discontented with your past and present life? Is it what one considers a mid-life crisis? Or are we, as humans, destined to always seek the things we do not presently have, forever unsatisfied with our accomplishments? Lately, I have been experiencing this perplexing and tiring feeling almost every day of the week.

I would not say I was unsatisfied with my accomplishments in life. Oh, I have made many decisions that were not only questionable, they were downright stupid. However, those decisions have brought me to the place in life I stand today and there happen to be areas of my life of which I am proud.

Still I seek those things I do not have. I have a good job with a solid company and yet, I am not satisfied. I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid, I have food in the refrigerator and yet, I am not satisfied. I want more. I want more money. I want a house with hardwood floors and a porch that wraps all the way around. I want to be able to walk into a store, see something I want and never think about whether I can afford the reckless purchase. Please do not misunderstand this "greedy" side. I fully appreciate those things I have and I do not begrudge those who happen to be more fortunate than I. It is my nature to want to better myself and provide more for my family. Therefore, maybe what I am experiencing is the "mid-life crisis" theory.

I have used the phrase "mid-life crisis" many times in describing a person's sudden change in behavior or taste. When I use that vague phrase, I am usually referring to people much older than myself who do things out-of-character or older people than myself who take on attributes of a much younger person. I would like to think that I am too young to experience this "mid-life crisis" explanation that holds a negative connotation related to fear of the unknown future and regrets of past decisions. Yet, when I am experiencing this feeling of discord, it is directly related to the fact that I feel half my life is over and I will run out of time to do something meaningful, fear that I will run out of time to experience things in life that interest me.

Recently, I did make some major changes in my life. These changes were the direct result of the same tugging, nagging feeling of needing to do something different with my life that I am experiencing now. I accepted a new job reducing the miles on my daily commute, which gave me an additional three hours per day. The additional hours I am able to spend doing things near and dear to my heart, such as spending quality time with my son and writing.

It was nine months ago I made those significant changes and that desperate feeling has returned. Some days the intensity is unbearable. Maybe I am destined to be forever unsatisfied with myself. Maybe I am experiencing "mid-life crisis" at thirty-two years of age. After much contemplation that has resulted in a headache, I think that I will succumb to the feeling and make more changes. I will start out small. Maybe I will begin that novel I have always wanted to write. Taking the initiative could save me from this uneasiness and discomfort for at least another year.

Lori Morgan is a single mother and resides in the small town of Wills Point, Texas. She works as an Administrative Assistant for a company that manufactures architectural products. Lori joined WVU in October of 2000. Lori has always loved writing and reading for personal enjoyment. She finds peace and much satisfaction pouring her soul onto paper.