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George W. Bateson

Six Easy Ways Not To Get Published

Getting published, seeing one’s name in print and receiving the all-important cheques for doing so is not a matter of luck, although it is no bad thing to have Lady Luck riding alongside you. In the main, it all boils down to knowing how not to get published and applying these principles to your written manuscript.

Unresearched or not-fully-researched material will consign your manuscript, no matter how well it is written, to the garbage can. Editors are not daft; they can tell at a glance whether a submitted piece has been written off the top of the head or whether it has been researched. Remember: like it or not, once your item has been published, it is the editor who will be the most likely target of the flack for its inconsistencies. So if you are really keen not to see your work published , don’t research.

Believing editors will accept anything you care to send them is the quickest way to not get into print. They are, believe it or not, busy people. Forget the corporate lunches that run on into the late afternoon, dispense with the idea that they sit with their feet up on the desktop all day. Sales are directly linked to what the editor prints. What he chooses for the publication, be it a book, magazine or even a ‘freebie’, can make or break it. So not sending what the editor wants, not reading what you can regarding the publishing house’s requirements, not reading the magazine, or even gleaning information from the advertisements will ensure you never see your work in print. If this is what you are after, then firmly believe you know better than the editor.

Editors do like to receive a short, well-written letter with the work, giving a brief outline of it and, of course, of your qualifications for having written it in the first place, along with a suitable set of copies of previous work you have done. A badly-written letter, one addressed to the wrong person, one that reveals at a glance that you are probably more suited to emptying garbage cans than writing should clinch your rejection even before reading has started. So if you are determined not to get published send a very dodgy letter.

One thing an editor loves to receive in the post is a good old-fashioned hand-written piece, for it solves problems for him. Should he read it? Should he publish it? What sort of payment is it worth? These and many other considerations are immediately overcome because he will no doubt flick the manuscript to one side to be consigned to the furnace file. We may believe our handwriting is legible and we can read it easily enough and maybe we are not in possession of a typewriter or computer or just can’t use one. If this is your situation, find a way to get it typed. Get a friend to type it for you. You are well on the way to success in not being published if you send hand-written manuscripts.

Those who aspire to write have had schooling of one form or another. They can put pen to paper, or fingers to keys, and produce work and in doing so firmly believe they can also spell, or if there is the odd word or two wrong, the editor or one of his readers will have all the time in the world to correct it. If the piece you have written is of such a standard that the editor wants to use it in his publication, then of course it will be thoroughly checked before printing and an odd word here and there will be put right. But forget it if your article or story contains numerous spelling mistakes, if you haven’t bothered to go over each word to make sure it is spelled correctly, because the editor will most certainly not read beyond the first couple of ill-spelt paragraphs. Thorough checking does take up quite a slice of your valuable writing time and even though most modern computers have a Spellchecker, it does have to be used. So take my word for it: one of the easiest ways not to get into print is to not check spelling and grammar. So take my word for it: one of the easiest ways not to get into print is to not check spelling and grammar.

Guidelines produced by the publishing houses are yours for the asking. In them you will find details of the best way to get into print at each particular place. Not all are the same because not every house has the same requirements, but all do have one or two spots that are alike. First, all manuscripts should be typed and in double-space, and the piece should be identifiable as yours (in other words it should have your name and address on it clear enough for the editor to see). These are simple enough points but simply overlook them and you are a dead duck as far as the editor is concerned. If you seriously do not want to be published, then don’t read the guidelines.

All right, so we have looked at ways to ensure you never see your work in print. But no one writes not to have it published, so turn around the points made and there is every chance you will not only be seeing your published work but also reading the figures on the cheque sent by the well-pleased editor.